Emails I Can't Send letra

It's times like these
Wish I had a time machine, so
I could see what you did October 13th
At 10:15, were you really asleep?
Were you lying to me and the family?

There's no us in us when I'm lacking trust
You wanna discuss, ugh
You disgust me, don't

Make me cuss you out
Why'd you let me down?
Don't say sorry now

And thanks to you I, I can't love right
I get nice guys and villainize them
Read their texts like they're having sex right now
Scared I'll find out that it's true

And if I do, then I blame you for
Every worst that I assume
When I'm forty-five, someone calls me their wife
And he f*cks our lives in one selfish night

Don't think I'll find forgiveness as fast as mom did
And, god, I love you, but you're such a dipshit
Please f*cking fix this

'Cause you were all I looked up to
Now I can't even look at you